A WOMAN’S BALANCING ACT IN SOCIETY

The world and life can be both disappointing but entertaining all at the same time. One of the things I discovered through the years has been the healing that comes with questioning the biased against women within our society.

I had this drive to write about my experiences as a woman. There was this huge part of me that was extremely fearful of writing this piece. But the big question was why? Why am I fearful for telling my own story, taking on my own personal narrative and sharing it with audiences like you.

Well, this propelled me even more to write this piece. It inevitably led me into a path of wonder and questioning my past experiences, the same ones that inspired me to write this piece in the first place. Trust me, I have heard the silliest of things over the years.

I have never shy away from telling facts about women’s inequality and beyond. About our rights to make our own decisions about our bodies, our careers, our life. There is always this sense of truth within me, about honesty and calling the things as they are. Even though the ones who came before us have worked to give us a better future, and changes have indeed be made, there is still work to do.

In some cases, I have picked up on this uncomfortable feeling that people get when talking about women’s rights. Mention statistics, sources, like I would with my family or in a history paper. Somehow, when I bring up these facts, stories, and things that are currently happening in our world; the energy in the room might shift.

The moment I open the discussions about equal pay, and equal opportunities in career and beyond; I see eyes dart somewhere else and then silence follows. It made me even more curious of finding the cause of such reactions. Why does the room feel uncomfortable when discussing equal pay? Other times, these topics will be considered “spicy”, which completly shocked me.

Women’s equality, has been a topic that was always been discussed in my household. I will forever be grateful, to have a set of wonderful parents and grandparents who raised me with open mind to political discussion. Whether it was for fighting for equality, to standing up for what is right. My family has always believed that no matter what happens, one of the most important things in life is knowing your rights.

Growing up in a dictatorship, with a family background that had experienced different dictators through the years can led a family to openly discuss politics. You might say call it almost a cautionary tale. Primarily because we know how fragile democracies can be, how easily can they be taken away, little by little. The more we learn about history, the more we discussed, the more challenging it is for them to take it away from us.

Funnily enough, it’s the very similar with some men whose fragile ego is so easily affected, that they feel ‘intimidated’ by women who excel in their field. Of women who are honest, and aren’t afraid to tell the truth about what needs to happen in thew world for it to be changed.

Due to their ego’s fragility, they carve that sense of power. The women who remove themselves from being the powerless, defenseless ones (in their minds of course), aren’t put in a box. Neither should because we are too complex for that. It is the same women who are unconsciously and subconsciously changing the status quo.

It wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I had one of the most shocking revelations ever: To some, my sole purpose in life was to ‘please’. This was one of the ones that extremely hit a nerve for me. As if my sole purpose is to make someone happy, especially a man. This could not go further from the truth.

My sole purpose in indeed, to change the world. To become a storyteller, so that I can educate the others about the issues of the world, whilst also bringing joy and an escape from our troublous time. It is in stories, in the art that not only do we find healing and escape from the world around us, but also learn more about it. It certain doesn’t involve pleasing anyone else, but my own joy of creating.

My role and purpose is to do the job right, and to give 100% every time. That doesn’t mean, I will be losing my boundaries or my value for it. Because there isn’t a correlation between the two.

The question now is why those words? Why do women have to ‘please’? Why are certain words used more on women? Why do certain expectations prevail in society. This goes beyond what has been said to me, and from what I have also heard. It also goes back to the fear of opening the discussions about equality, about setting healthy boundaries in the workplace and beyond.

However, the more questions I had about why did the concept of ‘pleasing’ came up. The more I turned inwards. Why did I do to bring this idea? The more I asked this, the more I thought about how I presented myself. What phrasing or wording did I use? How can I sound assertive without making others feel intimidating? (The last of course is a lie. You are not at fault if they can’t handle an assertive women. It’s their issue, nor yours.)

This bought me to then consider the moments were I have been told that my language is intimidating. Of course, this led me to another path of looking for resources of what to do in these cases? What does this mean? Because honestly, I really – and still can’t – wrap my head around this kind of mindset.

But the answer became quite simple with the more research I did: this wasn’t a problem I had faced, but many others have as well. As someone that has thankfully grown up with wonderful strong women around me, both in and off-screen, just as well as the men in my father who encouraged my voice, my power from a young age; I really struggled to wrasp my head around it. It seemed shocking. With this upbringing, I saw and felt what it was like being respected, what truly means to be supported, which made it even more challenging to accept anything less than anyone should deserve.

That foundation helped me separate myself from that mindset of: what could I have done diffently? At its core, the blame isn’t on me. It’s within the barriers and mindsets of some people. Within it all, I found this truth that it’s a balancing act. A constant balancing act that I became more aware of the more I worked.

A balancing act of words and actions. One of where our drive to learn and explore, can sometimes be mistaken for this false assumptions that we will do ‘anything’ and accept anything to be able to gain that knowledge. That our eagerness will simply be confused with ‘pleasing nature’.

Where we are mistaken as ‘yes women’ because that is the assumption. That somehow setting those boundaries create an image of not being ‘easy’ because we somehow don’t have minds of our own. Our own bodies to decide and walk our own path. It’s this autonomy that some men fear, all because they will no longer have control of them. They are sadly and pitifully led by their crave for power. They are led by their fragility rather than their hearts.

The truth is, it doesn’t take much to be considered a pushback, difficult, and too enthusiastic of a woman. Somehow challenging the status quo became an inner battle between healing from the constant biased within society whilst also walking on a wire trying to move forward.

It’s a balancing act being a woman. Moving the scaled of one side to the next trying to cope with the double standards of society that somehow, became even more prominent the moment I left my home, my bubble.

The main question is: how do we walk out of those moments? One of those moments were are removing the frames that were set upon some of the members of our society. If we educate others, some will listen, others will feel uncomfortable? Will others retaliate? What at the core of this uncomfortable feeling? Guilt? Or ego?

Is it a matter of words? A matter of education? A lack of exposure to strong female leaders, artists, writers? Or just simply a state of mind whether challenging the usual is too fearful for some.